When showing our children how proud we are of them, I make an effort to choose rewards that are not toys. Today, I am sharing why we opt for non-toy rewards and providing a list of both non-toy and non-candy rewards.
Research indicates that experiences are more beneficial than toys for kids, and recent studies suggest that using toys as rewards could lead to negative outcomes, such as spoiling children or fostering materialistic tendencies in adulthood. While I admit that I sometimes struggle to avoid giving material rewards, especially when our children have their hearts set on something, I aim to prioritize instilling positive character traits and behaviors in them. My ultimate goal is to nurture intrinsic motivation in them and discourage an expectation of receiving a toy for every accomplishment.
A study in the Journal of Consumer Research revealed that children who receive more material rewards tend to develop materialistic tendencies. Authors Marsha Richins from the University of Missouri and Lan Nguyen Chaplin noted that while parents aim to prevent their children from defining themselves by possessions, they unknowingly use material goods to express love, leading their children to value expensive possessions.
TIME.com highlighted that using possessions as rewards or punishments could lead to long-term overconsumption. Children raised in households where discipline involved material goods were more likely to continue valuing possessions.
Furthermore, materialism in adulthood has been associated with decreased well-being, marital issues, and financial struggles. To address this, consider using non-material rewards that your child will appreciate.
Here are some alternative ideas to consider:
- Quality time spent together
- Personalized experiences or outings
- Recognition and praise for achievements
- Encouragement and support for their interests and hobbies
By focusing on non-materialistic rewards, you can help shape your child’s values and reduce the emphasis on material possessions in their lives.
Rewards That Are Not Toys:
Children crave and benefit from time, attention, and communication, which are simple yet valuable gestures. Consider these non-material ways to reward children:
Intrinsic Motivation:
Encourage your child to take pride in their achievements. Acknowledge their hard work and progress by saying, “You must be proud of yourself. Your dedication and effort have paid off. You can achieve anything with determination.” This intrinsic motivation will have a lasting impact.
Implement a Cotton Ball Jar as a Reward System:
Recognize unexpected acts of kindness, unprompted help, attentive listening, or appropriate responses by giving your child a cotton ball for their jar. Once the jar is full, encourage your child to choose a fun activity to enjoy together, like painting rocks or creating non-stick slime.
Put It On Display:
Showcase accomplishments such as a great report card by displaying it on the wall or sharing a picture or score from a successful game on the refrigerator.
Choose a Puzzle to Solve
Quality time is essential. Select a puzzle and work on it together. While you’re purchasing a puzzle, your child will see it as a bonding activity because you’re not just giving it to them; you’re solving it together.
Family Outing Idea
Reward your family with “points” for a fun outing! Choose a family destination, such as a local zoo or trail, and discuss how to earn it (like filling up a family cotton ball jar or reaching a set number of family points). You could even consider a rule like “if everyone stays in bed at night unless necessary.”
Create Together
Design a dry erase photo book that you print out. Our children enjoy drawing funny faces on themselves (or us!) using the book.
Utilize a Sticker Chart for Selecting a New Activity:
For every five stickers earned, plan a fun activity such as baking cookies. Encourage them to explore new recipes on Pinterest. Our kids enjoy browsing through cookie images and selecting their favorites to bake.
Reward them with an enjoyable outing with either mom or dad. In our household, a bike ride is always a hit – the kids and we both love it!
“Bucket List” Jar
Compile a list of your child’s favorite activities on small pieces of paper and place them in a jar. Once they earn a reward, they can pick an activity from the jar.
For added convenience, consider printing a list of fun things to do and displaying it on the fridge. For instance, building a fort, going on a scavenger hunt, or playing a board game.
Pajama Day:
Let your kids enjoy a cozy pajama day at home, and you can even combine it with a movie day.
Bonus Screen Time:
Consider offering a “free afternoon” of screen time to your kids if they usually trade chores for screen time.
For instance, you could grant bonus screen time from 3:00-5:00 on a Wednesday afternoon in your household if electronics are off-limits during the school week unless it’s educational.
Move Bedtime Back By 30 Minutes:
Allow them to stay up an extra 30 minutes to play a game with you or watch a short show.
Our kids enjoy selecting a show on Netflix that is special to our family, so as a reward, they get to stay up 30 minutes later to watch the next episode of “our” show.
Dinner Time:
Celebrate as a family by dining out, letting the kids choose their favorite meal, or trying something different like having dinner on the back porch.
Attend a Local Event:
Find an enjoyable and cost-free event in your community. Many local libraries host events for children multiple times a week. You can also check your town’s website or Facebook page for information on upcoming children’s events. Local churches frequently organize such events as well.
Visit An Animal Shelter:
Head to your preferred pet store or animal shelter to see the animals up for adoption. Encourage your children to find items to donate or contribute a dollar to the shelter (you match their donation) to teach them about generosity and kindness.
Research Shows the Benefits of Non-Material Rewards
It can be challenging to remember, and there may be times when we slip up. Just keep in mind that studies indicate that children who receive non-material rewards are less likely to grow up to be materialistic adults burdened by debt.
The Journal of Consumer Research reveals, “Receiving material rewards during childhood could lead individuals to focus on possessions to shape their self-identity, potentially leading them to prioritize material goods and become more materialistic compared to those who received fewer material rewards.”
The journal further explains, “Taking away a beloved toy from a child who bullies a sibling or confiscating a game as a consequence for poor academic performance are examples of material discipline.”
“Consistent use of this type of discipline may heighten the child’s attachment to possessions, ultimately fostering materialistic tendencies.”
